Being a Mom

Last week I wanted to throw in the towel.

I honestly can't tell you why it was so hard.  It's really not like my kids were exceptionally naughty.  I really think it was me, not them, but I felt like everything they were doing was magnified in my eyes.  I was so tired, mentally and physically, and I just felt done.  After venting to a friend, and she vented to me, I realized I was not the only one feeling like this and so we decided to up and leave and go out to dinner.  We sent around a text at 5:30 and we ended up getting 6 people wanting to come with us, feeling they same way we felt.  We vented, laughed, ate, and it was refreshing.

Still feeling overwhelmed, it was our enrichment activity last night.  It has been a lot of work and a lot of preparation, and although it didn't go completely according to plans, I left from there feeling refreshed and energized.  I am happy.

Months ago we decided on the idea of "Fond of You - Fondue."  We would focus on individual worth and eat lots of yummy fondue.  We knew we needed a speaker, and right away I had a name in mind.  He wasn't in our ward, and I knew he was a very busy man, but his name just kept coming to me.  I decided to email his wife (since she is our Stake Relief Society President) and ask her for ideas of speakers in hopes she would offer him up.  Unfortunately, she didn't.  I don't know why I was so afraid to ask him, but I went and talked to our Institute teacher for ideas and he suggested that same person.  That's when I knew, it had to be him.  I got up the guts, emailed him, got a response an hour later telling me yes.

I feel like my Heavenly Father knew that I needed to hear him speak.  Even months ago he knew that I would be feeling like this and I needed to hear what he had to say.  He talked about motherhood.  He told us that what we are doing is eternal.  We are important.  He then talked about how Satan attacks motherhood first and foremost because it is key to eternal life and families.  He reminded us that every bit of self doubt comes from Satan.  He wants us to think we aren't good enough.  That our neighbor across the street is perfect.  Our kids are rotten.  We aren't having family home even, scripture study, etc. so we aren't going to make it.  Satan puts these thoughts in our heads.

I sit here today writing this and even though Easton has pulled on me about 7 times to come help him, I am so much happier today.  I'm not perfect, but I am a mother, and today I am thankful for that role.  It's hard, but it's eternal.  I want to live with my family forever and I am beyond grateful for that chance.  I write this down so when another week like that happens again (which I know it will), I can come back and read this and be reminded that I'm ok.  I'm ok.

I found this ripped paper towel on the kitchen table this morning.
I love that Jackson doodles my name....and with a heart. :)