Creighton, today you lost your shoe and you taught me an example. I will be forever grateful.
As a typical Monday morning, we were running late. I was feeding Wil and relied on Jackson and Creighton to get ready by themselves, and fast. It wasn't until after they were supposed to have left that Creighton informed me he couldn't find his shoe anywhere. The one was just right there, in plain sight, where could the other have gone.
I stop feeding Wilson abruptly and left him to scream while I rushed around looking for the missing shoe. Creighton did the same, but didn't quite have the sense of urgency I did, so I did what I have been trying so hard not to do. I yelled. I was yelling about their room being such a mess. I yelled about "how in the world could one shoe just disappear." I yelled about how disgusting their room was. I just kept yelling.
I came out of the boys room and saw my sweet Creighton drop to his knees by the couch, and before it registered to me what he was doing, I yelled again. My exact words were, "What are you doing? Don't you know we are in a hur......." My voice trailed off and I caught myself. I felt shame. I was so saddened by my behavior. He was alarmed, however, and quickly jumped up. I then begged him to kneel back down, which he did. He knelt there for a minute saying his humble prayer as I sat staring in disbelief. All the built up anger and frustration slowly oozing out and in its place, tears.
We never did find his shoe.
He wore a pair he hates and doesn't fit, and I drove him to school. He had missed the bus.
He may think Heavenly Father didn't answer his prayer this morning. However, I know differently.
About 2 weeks ago, I committed to not yelling at my kids for a week. I read an article about yelling and I knew that I needed to be a better mother, and I could do this by not yelling. I sent Mitch a text and told him about my commitment. He responded back, "Are you going out of town by yourself?" This gives you an idea about how much confidence he had in me accomplishing my goal.
However, I did it. I didn't yell until just yesterday. I loved it. My kids were responding so much better to me. They were more willing to help me. We sat on the time out step or lost privileges more, but there wasn't the anger and there wasn't the yelling. Yesterday, I slipped up, became very stressed, and yelled. In my head, I thought, "Well, I made it a lot longer than I thought it would" and that was that. Today, I received the gentle answer through my child stopping to pray, that "No, that's not that. You need to continue." And so I will. At least I will try.
Thank you Creighton. Thank you for being an example to me. Prayers are answered buddy. Even if it doesn't seem like it's the way you expect. I love you.