The Evers Family

I know that many of you have been wondering how I am doing, so I thought I would take a minute and share my thoughts with all of you. It's not easy to do this, but I feel like it's part of healing.

It's been a whirlwind since I found out the devestating and shocking news on Saturday morning. My little (but very tall) brother passed away on Friday night. Mitch and I literally threw everything into a suitcase, found a flight, and boarded a plane. Since getting here, the details of his death at first really disturbed me. I, along with many family members, were having a very difficult understanding what had just happened. My brother took his life and it was a complete shock to us. We didn't know he was struggling. Over the last few days we have come to realize that even though he was going to church, just made the golf team, and had a great job, he was having a real internal struggle. Depression runs in my family on my mother's side and is something some of us have struggled with, and unfortunately, he received that gene along with one from my dad - the non-expressive gene. The combination must have made it impossible for him to share with us the feelings he was having. We considered him to be a typical teenager and had no idea that amount of suffering he was going through.

At first, I felt so dark inside with so many questions. Where is my brother and would I see my him again? How thankful I am for the gospel though! As I mourned for the first hour, my sweet husband immediately jumped on the computer and looked up talks on lds.org. I am so thankful he had the inspiration to do this. He was able to find answers for me. Many people have shared similar quotes from different church authorities regarding this subject and I am SO thankful they have been inspired to do such a thing. There are two quotes that helped turn my darkness and suffering into light and hope.

Elder Bruce R. McConkie: "Persons subject to great stresses may lose control of themselves and become mentally clouded to the point that they are no longer accountable for their acts. Such are not to be condemned for taking their own lives. It should also be remembered that judgment is the Lord's; he knows the thoughts, intents, and abilities of men; and he in his infinite wisdom will make all things right in due course."

Elder M. Russell Ballard: "I draw an important conclusion from the words of the Prophet (Joseph Smith): Suicide is a sin - a very grievous one, yet the Lord will not judge the person who commits that sin strictly by the act itself. The Lord will look at that person's circumstances and the degree of his accountability at the time of the act."

I am comforted to know that there is repentance in the spirit world and that my Heavenly Father loves Que and he will not only look at the act itself but he will also look at all the good he did in his life and his mental state. I know that I will be with my brother again. I am thankful to know this. This will make me a better person and help me to strive even harder to return to my Father in Heaven again.

I really want to thank all of you for your prayers, emails, and messages. You have no idea what it has meant to me. I have felt such love and I will forever be thankful for all of you bouying me up in this time of sadness.

I included a picture of my sweet little brother below holding Jackson and Creighton. He loved them so much and he will forever be missed by Mitch, myself and the boys.